Il really sorry for your experience. I went through the same. My biggest wound all my life had been my mother. When she was still alive and before I had done enough inner work I literally wished she would die.

Now, after 17 years of working on myself every day, and she having passed away 3 years ago, I no longer see her as such a painful memory. I've let go of so much pain that I literally don't think of her as my mother and I have difficulty remembering how badly it felt before. I relate instead to an inner mother I never imagined I could have... In the meantime, I've learned so much through this journey and I'm now able to also help people through this wound...

Believe me, just keep working on yourself and you will wake up one day in a different world.